Revisiting an old post, with new thoughts ...

... Bear with me ladies, my "original thought" has been shanghaied by a looking-back-over some things I'd written before. And rereading them caught my attention in a way that I think is ... timely, and warrants expansion. (Which  means that my original thought gets to keep percolating and developing, yay!) So let's call it patchwork, and see what we end up with, eh? :o)

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted. (Matthew 5.4)

I was in a church service one day, and the pastor was speaking on this verse. He was presenting mourning as a dire punishment of sorts, basically in a very negative context; as well as saying that only those who are 'mourning for/because of God' will be comforted, and in being so comforted will see the Kingdom of God. As if you can't be comforted or see God unless you mourn. And it bugged me, bugged me a lot. And I started thinking, mulling it over ... and here's the conclusion I came to:

Those who mourn, will be comforted.
To be able to mourn means you have a heart capable of feeling - both joy and pain. The purest and truest emotions are those stemming from close, intimate contact with God the Father. Therefore, those who are able to mourn are close to God, and therefore are able to be comforted - not only in their mourning but their joy as well - while those who are apart from God might feel something, but not be within reach of comfort. God doesn't want us to be in pain/mourning/to suffer necessarily, although He will use that to make us grow ... He longs to comfort us, all of us, we just have to be close enough to let Him.

And as I think about that again ... it's so true. Daddy doesn't make us mourn - He lets our hearts feel. So that as we feel pain, sadness, mourning, we will also feel love, happiness, joy. We will be comforted when we hurt, held when we cry, loved throughout it all. My Daddy is a Daddy of Love.

Which makes me sit back and ponder right now ... because sometimes? I don't want to feel, I get sick and tired of feeling. I don't want to be aware of the emotions and thoughts and sensations. I don't want to mourn. Shoot, sometimes, I don't even want to be happy - because being happy means there's a slide somewhere around the corner, ya know? But ... to shut off all feeling, to cast aside the good and bad, to seal my heart off in an icy vault? That's not just 'keeping me safe from feeling', it's preventing my comfort too. And I know the power in feeling the Arms of Love wrapped around you. To lose that? I cannot even imagine.

And a few pages past my initial thoughts on Matthew 5.4, I found where I'd written the lyrics of a song that's rarely sung, but that I love so dearly, and it somehow seemed to fit this musing ... and thus what I end with:

There's no where else that I'd rather be
Than dancing with You as You sing over me
There's nothing else that I'd rather do
Lord than to worship You.

So rejoice, be glad, rejoice oh my soul
For the Lord, your God, reigns forevermore
I rejoice, for my God reigns.
So rejoice, be glad, your Father and your Friend
Is the Lord, your God, Whose rule will never end
I rejoice, for my God reigns.

My God reigns, and I'll dance the dance of praise
My God reigns, with a shout I will proclaim
My God reigns and I will worship without shame
My God reigns, and I will rejoice, for my God reigns.

(Posted in the Sister Devo group on facebook)

C.S. Lewis is just plain cool.

This is something the Lord was and is teaching me and I just thought I'd share the link. :-) Becoming Undragoned Enjoy!!!

dusting off the pen

Wow ... do you realize how long it's been since we've done anything here? ... Let's remedy that, shall we?
This semester has not been one of my better ones - in fact, it's down-right awful in parts. Yet, even in the worst moments, something happens to remind me that it's ok. That every valley has an upslope (otherwise it's just a cliff, hehe). And that there is a morning around the corner.
I've been having to deal with all kinds of things on a family-level, as we're working through things and coming closer to reaching the goal. It's tugging at things I thought had healed over, but I'm also finding that the hurts dont last as long.
Academically, I'm being beat over the head ... it's not fun anymore, and my grades are not what they've been in the past. Nothing major (yet), just not what I'm accustomed to.
Relationally, well ... here's the interesting part. There's a lot of stuff going on, and things I'm having to adjust to. I'm learning what it means to love unconditionally, and how to love the person despite their actions/choices/etc -- even when the new events knock the wind from my lungs and send me reeling backwards into the night. I'm realizing that sometimes, you have to take a stand for yourself, because people can really only treat you as badly as you let them. Sometimes things have to end. And God has given me some totally amazing girls to hang with, friends I never expected, never looked for, and I am beyond thankful for their presence here on campus.
Sometimes, life just isn't easy or fun or sunshine ... but it's always life and that is what is most important.
I'm sure I've not really said anything revolutionary or groundbreaking, and maybe not even interesting, but I felt the need to put it here ... :o)

an editor's pen

I was talking to a friend last night, a guy friend, about a lot of things and right before deciding it was time for bed [ah, this was an IM, not face-to-face], I made the comment that "Sometimes I'd like to be able to edit my life the way I do papers." Being the guy he is, he wanted to know what I'd change and why ... I told him that was for another time as I was falling asleep sitting up and it would take a bit of explaining. The comment was made after checking my email and finally finding replies to email/s sent 2 weeks ago - email that needed immediate answering for outside reasons.
I went to sleep thinking about what I would 'edit' in my life if I could ... while at first I thought I'd change a lot, I realized that if I get serious, and envision myself holding that pink pen ready to mark through and draw arrows and etc, I dont really want to. Sure, I'd make some minor adjustments, who wouldnt?, but I'm not sure I'd do all I originally thought ... prolly bring some things to the light earlier than they did in real-life, but not write anyone out of my life ... stuff like that.
Anyway ... Just some random things floating through my mind ... :-)

matthew 5.4

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

So today's sermon was "Introduction" number four to a series on the Beatitudes/Kingdom of Heaven, and we still didn't hear anything original or new. That is neither here nor there, just know that I will have my MDiv one day. *dry chuckle* I spent the time getting tickled along with Alexa and Jacob, and critiquing the theology ... yeah, bad habit I've gotten into. Er, that'd be the critique is a bad habit, first time I've gotten to sit with 'Lexa in eons, hehe.

Anyway, so one of the points my pastor and I differ on was Matthew 5:4, shown above. He was presenting mourning as a dire punishment of sorts, basically in a very negative context; as well as saying that only those who are 'mourning for/because of God' [or something to that effect, he started using a lot more quotations at this point] will be comforted, and in being so comforted will see the Kingdom of God. As if you can't be comforted or see God unless you mourn. Ahm ... I realize I'm "just a girl" and shouldn't be having independent thoughts on anything, let alone something *gasp* theological/Biblical/religious, but what about this reading of it ...

Those who mourn, will be comforted.
To be able to mourn means you have a heart capable of feeling - both joy and pain. The purest and truest emotions are those stemming from close, intimate contact with God the Father. Therefore, those who are able to mourn are close to God, and therefore are able to be comforted - not only in their mourning but their joy as well - while those who are apart from God might feel something, but not be within reach of comfort.

I don't know, maybe I'm the only one reading it this way ... but it makes sense to me, and seems to be a far more practical application. God doesn't want us to be in pain/mourning/to suffer necessarily, although He will use that to make us grow ... He longs to comfort us, all of us, we just have to be close enough to let Him.

Anyway ... Just thought I'd share. Love! *hugs*

Blessings for Your New Year

the following was given out to us in church this morning on a hand out and it blessed me so that I just wanted to share it with ya'll. :) I pray it touches your heart too.

(adapted from the Bible) by Dianne Bundt

Purpose: As you complete your daily tasks, may you understand how they contribute to the larger purpose of your life. May you experience deep satisfaction as you discover and carry out you unique role. (Psalms 25:12, 139:16; Jeremiah 29:11)

Fulfilling work: May you take pleasure in all you work. May every task you undertake succeed, and may you enjoy the good things you labor supplies. (Ecclesiastes 2:24; Psalm 128:2)

Physical health: May you and those you love remain strong in body and free from disease. May those who suffer from injury or illness recover quickly and completely. (3 John 1:2; Deuteronomy 7:15; Psalm 41:3)

Peace of mind: May your mind and heart always be at rest. May gratitude and peace replace every anxious, fearful thought. (2 Thessalonians 3:16; Philippians 4:6)

Good relationships: May you be surrounded by loving, faithful and supportive friends. Where relationships have been broken, may you find reconciliation and forgiveness. (Proverbs 17:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Matthew 5:23-24)

Sufficient resources: May you have exactly what you need for each day. May you become rich in every way so that you can share generously with others. (Proverbs 30:8-9; Luke 11:3; 2 Corinthians 9:11)

Contentment: May you take pleasure in all the good things you have and discover the secret of being content in any and every situation. (Ecclesiastes 5:19; 1 Timothy 6:7-8; Philippians4:12)

Laughter: May you laugh long and often. May each day be filled with gladness so that even your sorrows turn into joy. (Proverbs 17:22; Ecclesiastes9:7; Jeremiah 31:13)

Breathing room: In the rush of life, may you always find the time and space for the people and activities that refresh your soul. May what seems most urgent never distract you from what is most important. (Luke 10:40-42)

Great ideas: May you receive fresh insight to meet the challenges of each day and discover creative solutions to your problems. (1 Kings4:29; Proverbs 2:6; Daniel 5:12)

New opportunities: May yo constantly be presented with new and profitable ventures. May you have foresight to recognize and take adavantage of each opportunity. (Eccelsiastes 11:1-6; Ephesians 5:16)

Good decisions: May you have wisdom to determine the best course of action in every situation. May you receive sound advice from those you ask for counsel. (Ecclesiastes 8:5-6; Proverbs 15:22)

Safety: May you and those you love be kept from violence, calamity, and loss. May those who seek to hurt you physically, mentally, or emotionally fail so that you may live securely, without fear of harm. (Psalm 12:5,7; Job11:18; Proverbs 1:33)

what blessing newness is

Tonight is the last of 2005. I don't know about you, but it was quite a year for me ... I learned a lot, about myself and others, that I will remember for the rest of my life. I'm looking forward to 2006, if for nothing else than because it is a shining, shimmering white page to write on ... a length of white satin, awaiting embroidery and beading ... a blessed new canvas yearning for a paint-bath ... it's New. No mistakes, no wrong word-choices or hasty judgements. No hurts or tears or scars healing over. Of course, that same newness means it is void of laughter, love, memories and delights. No adventures, no discoveries. *sigh* Our mission is to live with all we are, to fill this year with all the good - and to weather the bad like the warriors we are called to be. Thank God we are not alone in that!
Happy New Year, blessings, and a lot of love!